Shallow Well of cliches, poor puns

Luscious and lusty cast of The Well of Horniness: they're a lot of fun, but not too deep.
By Leanne Campbell

Screaming Weenie Productions has disinterred its very first effort just in time for Gay Pride Week, but The Well of Horniness is not deep. First staged at the Palace in 1995, the piece was written by American Holly Hughes, who saves her funniest writing for her bio, where she states that "We (Americans) fervently hope that if the Bush league steals the election again that (Canadians) would set aside your pacifism for a moment and consider invading us." Her poor script, however, is left with a pastiche of cliches, groaners, non-sequiturs and supremely bad puns.

At the plot's centre is Vicki (Mylene Dinh-Robic), who is engaged to Rod (Amy Lucille Wilding), brother of Georgette (Kate Price). Coincidentally, Vicki and Georgette belong to the same sorority-one that takes its "girls only" policy all the way-and they aren't keen when one of their numbers breaks ranks. Though the apron-clad Vicki is doing her best to be Rod's ideal wife-in-training, when she and Rod take Georgette to dinner, she needs no more provocation than a dropped utensil (of course, it's a fork) to get between Georgette's thighs. But then Georgette meets her doom in the powder room and Vicki is the prime suspect. Rod is a complete buffoon who only exists as a springboard for bad jokes; he owns a carpeting business called "The House of Shag 'n' Stuff" ("Our employees are eager beavers!"), and "ads" for his enterprise pepper the show, which is formatted radio-drama style, complete with an "On Air" sign. One of the selling points of The Well of Horniness is "-fifty costume changes and no backstage!"; however, the changes involve no more than a few hats, wigs and coats, which one assumes are in the script to enable the actors to better hone in on their characters. Otherwise, if it's radio, why bother with costumes at all?

The five women in the company work hard at having fun. Dinh-Robic demonstrates versatility, easily flipping from breathy airhead Vicki to the no-nonsense carpet-store employee. Diminutive Luvia Petersen keeps the story on track as the energetic narrator, but has to take care that she doesn't sacrifice clarity to her accent when she plays her other role, Garnet McClit. Elda Pinckney gets to toss and toss her long blonde hair as Babs the hat check girl, then butch up for her role as Ranger.

Director Ilena Lee Cramer has all of the women scream every time the title is spoken (intoned is more like it), and the cumulative effect was that I wanted to join them, if only to shriek in frustration. The adoring crowd cared not, and happily endured intervals that were just as long (or longer) than the performed segments, refreshing their drinks and stepping out for ciggies. This was as much a social event as it was a theatrical one. The Well of Horniness may be a whodunit, but nobody cares who did it-just who's doing whom.